Are you still sick?

For those of you that don't know, I have struggled somewhat with my health the past few months. I'm sure everything is fine and it probably sounds worse than it is. My family knows I'm a whiner when I get sick, it's my venting time to whine in the privacy of my own home. (I'm not sure about my family but Chris handles this incredibly well and I have to make note of that. In fact if something is wrong and he hasn't heard me whine about it, he tells me to. It's honest communication after all ;) But when it comes to anyone else, I'm sorry, I just hate repeating my probably nothing problems to every person who unsuspectingly asks out of politeness, "how are you?" BUT! I've learned a few things from my experiences so far that I thought I would share in the blogging world:

-Sinus infections from the fall that turned serious in January when consulting the Dr. had been put off long enough (don't put off going to the Dr). Not only was there the issue of the infection but too much self-medicating is never a good thing for your precious organs. The sinus infection mutated into something terribly more uncomfortable by Jan: My lungs burned when I took deep breaths, my whole body ached, and I experienced recurring fevers in January. For about a week I woke up every night with a fever but since it always broke by morning I put off consulting the Dr. again (don't do this-when you have a fever, something is wrong!). And of course, it was just my luck most of this fever nonsense occured while I was visiting Chris in Arizona. His amazing avacado burgers were very healing to my body though as you can see:





-I passed out in Dec. (If you feel like you're going to pass out, try to aim for the softest place to fall) Unfortunately in front of my poor Nana...I never thought my 82 year old Nana would be picking me up off the floor at 22-talk about embarrassing. I hate worrying people, it makes me more worried. And then of course the whole family was contacted immediately through what I call our private telephone tree= more embarrassing. I felt like an infant. Mom stayed with me while I showered and missed her Bible class and Dad was calling from work telling me how to eat...but of course I know they love me and I appreciate everyone's concern.

-I've had dizzy spells from fall (not sure exactly when they started) through the present which I originally attributed to what I assumed was probably just low blood sugar or stress or something (until the Dr. told me my lab work looks wonderful). Just a note: most people who complain of dizziness never find out what's wrong.

-lab work: never schedule this on the same day you've been told to fast by your Dr. When you're 22 and the guy taking your blood looks younger than you, ask for someone else! Especially when he tries to use a needle bigger than your vein and especially when he has to ask for advice from the nurse in the next cubicle and especially when he's mumbling the whole time about how hard his job is. I shouldn't judge, I know, but when a guy completely covered in tattoos and with plugs in his ears the size of my fist walks up to you with needles and a pee cup it's a little freaky.

-EEG: never schedule this one on a day you have to go out in public by the way! Or bring a big HAT because even walking out to the car was humiliating! And if your technician is sloppy you may need an extra shirt and underwear too for the day. And pray your technician is gentle...I had scabs on my scalp and behind my ears for a week or so.

-EKG: not bad. I just happen to have had three nurses who had never done one before and had to re-hook me up several times (which involved removing all the peach fuzz off my torso by mid-morning. Thank goodness I thought to shave my legs that day). Oh! and always good to ask for the results since they can tell you right away. Nice to know when you have an arrhythmia even if it's not totally serious and not find out weeks later when the Dr. just happens to mention it thinking you already knew...

-Echocardiogram: if you're a woman and uncomfortable being left alone with some strange man to bruise your breast for 45 min in a dark room the size of a coat closet, I recommend you bring someone with you-like my wonderful mommy ;) Shoot, even men might not feel comfortable with that one!

-heart monitor: let me just start off with this was my favorite nurse. A lady from Jamaica with an accent I could barely make out. But when I caught her jokes 20 seconds after the fact, she was hilarious. I hate wearing this thing but even more so when it broke me out in a nasty rash..can't wait to mail this puppy back to the manufacturer!

-and I'll never forget all the strange poking and prodding the neurologist did. I swear by the end of the two hour appt with that man, I was certin he was just messing with me for the fun of it.

-Side effects from medication are never fun of course but I suppose it could have been worse. I've decided if they ever prescribe chlarithromyacin to me ever again I'm responding with a resounding, "NO! anything but that, please!" It's not worth throat sores the size of my already deformed tonsils, a sick stomach all the time, and then I'm not sure what was worse when it came to the taste issue: not being able to taste anything half the time, or having an overwhelming taste of nastiness that sometimes even kept me up at night experimenting with mouthwash remedies (nothing works by the way). It was dreadfully uncomfortable.

-So next on the list: my MRI and another meeting with the neurologist and my primary physician...and eventually ridding my raw chest and tummy of this uncomfortable heart monitor thingy.

-The good news: praise God the neurologist is convinced I DON'T have a seizure disorder! (I never thought when I got my license at 16 that by 22 I would be in mortal fear of losing it). The problem: most likely my heart and it's probably not a big deal to take care of. Exercising more may just do the trick over time.


I have found my blogging habits to be somewhat like my prayer journaling habits: somewhat haphazard. When I get an inkling to write, or need to sort out thoughts, it happens. Not that I don't pray when I don't journal, or that I don't sort out thoughts when I don't write, or that I don't update people on my life when I don't blog, but sometimes writing just happens to go along with it...or not.

Why?

I have found myself questioning the circumstances of my life lately. When I sense a moment of self-pity coming on I reach for my Voice of the Martyrs updates and pray for the persecuted Christians around the world (especially in China and the Sudan recently). My circumstances may discourage me sometimes, or flat out embarrass me when I have to share updates with friends and family, but God has blessed me richly, preserved me greatly, and is sovereign in His control and grace.

A friend recently shared with me that she hesitates to question God by crying out "why?" as if that implies we have the right to question Him and His authority over us. First, let me just say that God knows the condition of each of our hearts when we come before Him.

Any mother or older sibling will be familiar with the stage toddlers go through where they seem to know no other word other than the infamous "why".

"Why is the sky blue?"
"Why do I have to sleep?"
"Why am I a girl/boy?"
"Why, why, why?"

And every answer you give, whether it's a simple, "I don't know" or, "just because" or even a complex explanation that a two year old would of course never understand, the child always continues to respond with the neverending "why?"

When you study childhood development you learn that this is a natural proces of growth and development for young children when they want/need nothing more than to stimulate conversation. They could care less "why" and they certainly may not be able to comprehend all the whys and hows and becauses anyway. Children yearn to be communicated with. They yearn for the attention and stimulation that they need in order to grow their mind and develop appropriately. (So, to all mothers and older siblings just a side note: when toddlers cry out "why?", just TALK to them! Don't freak out and certainly don't continuously shut them down ;)

I submit that God's children do the same as we grow in our understanding of the spiritual world and God's purposes. We cry out "why?" and I know God knows whether our heart is bitter towards Him or whether we are crying out in a genuine need to just hear Him TALK to us. Maybe we cry out "why?" just to hear His voice, to know He is there. It is the expression of our yearning for our Father's attention and for Him to stimulate our development as we grow in Him, in the way He wants us to go. We may not aways be able to comprehend His answers but we have a deep longing as we grow in our understanding and awareness of the spritual realm to KNOW our Father. When a child is confused, we hope he turns to the parents for clarification. When a child is lost, he calls out hoping the parents will hear and come to the rescue. We do the same as children of God our Father. We run to Him for understanding and clarification of our problems and we call out for His restoration and peace when we are lost or feel alone.

The difference is God is the perfect Father and He knows the deepest needs of our heart and soul. He knows the answers we need and don't need and He grants understanding whenever He sees fit to do so for His glory. He is God, sovereign in His Heaven, working everything for the good of those who love Him. Talk to Him. And listen to His voice.